Now, for possibly the most shallow and girlie blog of all time. I just watched "The Departed." Do you know what I was thinking? Was it, "Wow, Martin Scorsese sure deserves the Oscar for this one!" or even, "Great movie!" (which it was) or maybe "Wow, these people use the f-word more than anyone else I know."
Nope, it wasn't any of those things. Here is what I was thinking, for the most part:
Leonardo DiCaprio is hot. Not like teen-idol hot. And not, "wow, he's such a great person, I'm really happy with all of his humanitarian efforts around the world and his amazing humility" hot. Just plain hot. He's got the ripped bad boy look down. And I am happy he grew up. So there you go. Apparently Jack Dawson still has something to him.
I'm going to go to bed now. How did it get to be so late?
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
content
Tonight I know what the word content means. I'm not joyful, not happy. I'm not depressed or sad. I'm just quiet and ok with life. I don't remember the last time I said words. Maybe to my mom on the phone on the way home from work? No, to the guy at the video rental place. That must have been it. Weird. I haven't said anything since before 5:00. That's about 5 hours ago. How can I be such a hermit on Friday night? Its part of the small-town really-tired-teacher package. I'll go to the city and party-it-up next weekend, but for tonight, quietness is ok.
Being alone all the time sucks. There. The same thing I've been saying since I moved here. I hate it. I mean, I like the town, I like the few people I do know here, I like my students, and some of the people I work with, but I hate being alone. Just having someone in the next room watching the crappy Canadian stand-up that is on in the background would be nice. This isn't another pathetic plea for a boyfriend, its just a longing for companionship. I miss my friends, my life, being thought of and included in Friday night stuff. When you move away, you don't get called and invited out. (Hell, you don't even get called period.) My phone bill is retarded. And most of the calls are to my parents. I'm ok being lame, but it would be nice to have a break from it once in a while. Its great to have friends, and I know I have them, and I'm not worried or insecure in my relationships with them so that I would need a nightly call to remind me that I'm still their friend. We talk on msn and things are normal when I visit, but having verbal interaction is necessary, I think. You want to be able to convey emotion and inflection with more than an emoticon sometimes. I know that its expensive and that I'm long distance to everyone, but frick, how unimportant am I that I'm not even worth a few dollars and a couple minutes?
I should explain one thing though. My sister does call. We talk almost every day. And I don't always have to dial. And that means a lot. It would be nice though if my phone rang once in a while (not even every night) and it was just a friend. Like a reminder that I'm important to someone.
Ok, I've managed to slip from content to depressed again. List of things that are good in my life:
- I finally get a day off tomorrow. Nothing scheduled. Just have to catch up on house stuff and work, but no major events.
- We started a new Bible Study on prayer based on a book by Philip Yancey (called Prayer, fittingly) that I'm really excited about. I think it will be good to do some work on it. Regardless of ones beliefs, it seems like prayer is a universal, depending on the situation. If life is bad enough, though, everyone calls to the supernatural for help. Maybe I'll write a blog about it.
- My car is still running. There might be something a little wrong with the wiring in one area, and maybe my tires need to be rotated, but it's started and run perfectly all winter. And this winter, that's saying something.
- I get a 25 minute drive to work each morning. I get to watch the sunrise and every day it's different.
- The week is done. Hallelujah.
- k, I'm better.
Being alone all the time sucks. There. The same thing I've been saying since I moved here. I hate it. I mean, I like the town, I like the few people I do know here, I like my students, and some of the people I work with, but I hate being alone. Just having someone in the next room watching the crappy Canadian stand-up that is on in the background would be nice. This isn't another pathetic plea for a boyfriend, its just a longing for companionship. I miss my friends, my life, being thought of and included in Friday night stuff. When you move away, you don't get called and invited out. (Hell, you don't even get called period.) My phone bill is retarded. And most of the calls are to my parents. I'm ok being lame, but it would be nice to have a break from it once in a while. Its great to have friends, and I know I have them, and I'm not worried or insecure in my relationships with them so that I would need a nightly call to remind me that I'm still their friend. We talk on msn and things are normal when I visit, but having verbal interaction is necessary, I think. You want to be able to convey emotion and inflection with more than an emoticon sometimes. I know that its expensive and that I'm long distance to everyone, but frick, how unimportant am I that I'm not even worth a few dollars and a couple minutes?
I should explain one thing though. My sister does call. We talk almost every day. And I don't always have to dial. And that means a lot. It would be nice though if my phone rang once in a while (not even every night) and it was just a friend. Like a reminder that I'm important to someone.
Ok, I've managed to slip from content to depressed again. List of things that are good in my life:
- I finally get a day off tomorrow. Nothing scheduled. Just have to catch up on house stuff and work, but no major events.
- We started a new Bible Study on prayer based on a book by Philip Yancey (called Prayer, fittingly) that I'm really excited about. I think it will be good to do some work on it. Regardless of ones beliefs, it seems like prayer is a universal, depending on the situation. If life is bad enough, though, everyone calls to the supernatural for help. Maybe I'll write a blog about it.
- My car is still running. There might be something a little wrong with the wiring in one area, and maybe my tires need to be rotated, but it's started and run perfectly all winter. And this winter, that's saying something.
- I get a 25 minute drive to work each morning. I get to watch the sunrise and every day it's different.
- The week is done. Hallelujah.
- k, I'm better.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
procrastination 101
It's one of those nights where I have a thousand things to do, and a busy day tomorrow, but I can't get around to starting doing anything. My dishes need to be done, the garbage needs to be taken out, my suitcase from last weekend needs to be unpacked, and I have marking and planning to do. But, I just don't feel like it. Instead I want to do nothing. I would rather sleep, sit here and write, drive around, talk on the phone, talk on msn... literally anything is better than doing something productive. I'm hoping that this blog will make me millions someday and then count as productive somehow.
I'm listening to "Sam's Town," the most recent Killers album. For all the hype about it being "so much different" than "Hot Fuss," it sounds pretty much the same to me... which isn't a bad thing, because I liked that album. It's just not this "new, more mature" sound that they advertised. Basically, it's still the Killers. Fun, bouncy, lots of keyboard, good drumming.
"When I grow up, I want to be a teacher." Do you know how many times I said that? zero. Not even once. I used to play teacher, but I didn't actually want to be one. Is it weird that I am? I feel like I don't take my job that seriously. Ok, maybe not really. I mean the lesson planning, marking, classroom stuff I take seriously, but there is A LOT of crap that goes on behind the scenes... with contracts, benefits, rules, requirements... all politics really... that I could care less about. Maybe its because I'm in my first year, and right now, the planning, marking, classroom stuff is the most important, but I hope I don't really lose that in the long run. I sort of hope I never care. I never want to be in admin, I never want to work at the "district level" or work for the Association or the board or anything. I just want to teach kids.
One kid asked me today if I was going to be here next year. I said I wasn't sure, but he said he wanted me to teach "24" (meaning Science 24 - I'm teaching 14 right now). This could be because he likes me better than the other teacher who currently teaches it, but it could just be because I'm a good teacher. I'm going with the latter, but I'll take either honestly. haha
Is it weird that labs make me nervous, and I'm a science teacher? I had a semi-bad experience with a lab in practicum ... it was sort of hilarious, but still did not go smoothly exactly. I could (and probably should) do a decomposition reaction tomorrow... at least as a demo... but I'm not going to. haha - I hope my principal never reads this. Maybe I can think of something else to do instead. Maybe there is a demo online somewhere. Or a movie... :)
Alright... maybe I should actually get around to work. And maybe take the garbage out - its one of those things that probably shouldn't be put off...
I'm listening to "Sam's Town," the most recent Killers album. For all the hype about it being "so much different" than "Hot Fuss," it sounds pretty much the same to me... which isn't a bad thing, because I liked that album. It's just not this "new, more mature" sound that they advertised. Basically, it's still the Killers. Fun, bouncy, lots of keyboard, good drumming.
"When I grow up, I want to be a teacher." Do you know how many times I said that? zero. Not even once. I used to play teacher, but I didn't actually want to be one. Is it weird that I am? I feel like I don't take my job that seriously. Ok, maybe not really. I mean the lesson planning, marking, classroom stuff I take seriously, but there is A LOT of crap that goes on behind the scenes... with contracts, benefits, rules, requirements... all politics really... that I could care less about. Maybe its because I'm in my first year, and right now, the planning, marking, classroom stuff is the most important, but I hope I don't really lose that in the long run. I sort of hope I never care. I never want to be in admin, I never want to work at the "district level" or work for the Association or the board or anything. I just want to teach kids.
One kid asked me today if I was going to be here next year. I said I wasn't sure, but he said he wanted me to teach "24" (meaning Science 24 - I'm teaching 14 right now). This could be because he likes me better than the other teacher who currently teaches it, but it could just be because I'm a good teacher. I'm going with the latter, but I'll take either honestly. haha
Is it weird that labs make me nervous, and I'm a science teacher? I had a semi-bad experience with a lab in practicum ... it was sort of hilarious, but still did not go smoothly exactly. I could (and probably should) do a decomposition reaction tomorrow... at least as a demo... but I'm not going to. haha - I hope my principal never reads this. Maybe I can think of something else to do instead. Maybe there is a demo online somewhere. Or a movie... :)
Alright... maybe I should actually get around to work. And maybe take the garbage out - its one of those things that probably shouldn't be put off...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
happy freaking valentines
It is a bad day to listen to depressing music. And an even worse one to watch a semi-depressing movie. I honestly had the best day I've had in a really long time. I left work really happy. My principal told me I was a great teacher. Not a good one, not a decent one, but a great one. And he's one of those people that it actually means something coming from. Someone told me it was nice to see my smile back. (I just got over a week-long headache thanks to a chiropractor and a masseuse.) And I've been home for about 4 1/2 hours now. And I'm depressed. Because its Valentines, and I'm alone, and I know this is pathetic. But what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't it just work. Just once, why can't it be right. Because it only has to be right once. And then, it can be right forever. But if once hasn't happened yet, then... well then, I stay at home marking, watching semi-depressing movies and listening to "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap on repeat. And that is all I have energy for.
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