The Fallout

I'm a bit of an impulsive person. Not with major expensive decisions, but with small, spur of the moment types. This sometimes gets me in trouble, because I don't always think before I make these wonderful decisions. Thankfully I haven't made any life changing non-thinking decisions yet, in fact, its been a while since I made any that had any consequences whatsoever. That is until last night. I made a quick stupid decision and 10 minutes later, after I thought it through, I completely regretted it. This decision probably won't alter the course of history, or even REALLY the course of my life. It might affect me today though, and possibly one other person's day, who it also sort of involved. I don't mean to be so secretive, but I'm pretty embarrassed that I did what I did. It wasn't something terrible, or a sin or anything, it was just a stupid thing to do at the time. In any case, I have to go to work, cross my fingers and dread the fallout.

The Phantom of the Opera

So, I ended up with a person anyways. I met my friend at walmart and then we went to Safeway and then Blockbuster to try and rent Hitch. As you may have guessed by the title, we didn't actually end up seeing Hitch, because there were none there, but joy of joys, it was a guarenteed rental, so I get to rent it free at some point in the near future.

We actually watched The Phantom of the Opera, which both she and I have seen several times, and we also both have the soundtrack. I love the music. Its so romantic and intense. I want to be so in love with someone someday that we just randomly break out into song. (Or at least the thought crosses our minds - I'm not sure I should just break out into song without warning people).

I actually find the Phantom more desirable than Raul in the movie. They chose a very manly Phantom, and left Raul more soft and feminine. I have long accepted the fact that I love "man's man" types of guys, and the Phantom is one of these, even with severe facial issues. I think I could get over those issues, if need be. Unfortunately he has some pretty deep seated emotional baggage that may require counselling at some point in his life. That could put a kink in our new found relationship.

Ah well. It is time to sleep yet again. I have to teach Sunday school in the morning, and that requires me to be at church at 8:45. Not exactly rising with the sun, but for a weekend it is relatively early. Good night!

What do you do?

Say you have a day. One day to do anything you want. It rains, so you don't really want to go outside, but otherwise you can do whatever you want. Thats my day today. I had one plan today: at 11:00 I had to go to Blessings and look at Bible Study books. Mission accomplished. I was home by 12:30, and the rest of my day was clear.

I watched Orange County, a movie from a few years ago about a kid who wants to be a writer. Then I had a nap, while the guy who was fixing our bathroom made loud noises with various air compressors and other machines. It was the strangest thing. I would momentarily wake up whenever a new noise started and then fall right back asleep. I slept from like 2:00 till 5:00. What a waste of a day, some might say. I think I just needed the sleep. I feel pretty great right now, except for the fact that I just finished a bag of chips, and I usually feel lousy after I eat chips. I sometimes wonder why I keep eating them, when I know I feel gross after.

Now I'm writing in this blog, with the end of The Breakfast Club playing in the background. I've seen it before so I don't really need to watch it to know whats happening. Now the question is: What will I do this evening? Some of my friends are out for supper, then Bowling and Bingo. I could definitely go with them, and probably have a lot of fun. I could probably call other friends and do something else with them, maybe see a movie or something. As great as all these people are though, there is something inside me that just wants to be alone for one night. I'm never alone. Not that being with my roommate is bad. I'm at least with her most of the time, and she's the greatest. I never feel crowded or anything.

I could go for a run in the rain. It would probably be refreshing (for the 2 minutes that I could last running until I have a heart attack and have to walk) but it also requires that I change, and honestly, I don't want to wreck my hair. I happen to like it today, and being in the rain makes it go super curly and crazy.

A friend of mine that I haven't talked to in a long time is going to call me in a minute. I was just talking to him on msn. I'm excited! Then I think I'll go to walmart. he he. I love walmart

In other news . . .

Tonight was great. Erica and I made dinner for a friend, and he made our website look a million times better. So, if you are interested in a heck of a lot of pictures, check it out: www.theblondes.org

I love the fact that guys, as a rule of thumb, will work for food. So, to Colin and Kevin: Thanks, hope the food was worth the work!

New thoughts

I learned some things about me today, and about guys, and about me and guys. It was a bit of an eye opener for me I guess. I don't really know how to react to new realizations, especially when they are about me.

I generally don't think of myself as someone who affects guys. I'm not one of those girls who walks down the street and knows when guys are looking at her, or who walks into a room and makes heads turn. So when I got a warning from a friend today about something I was doing, and how it might not be completely appropriate around the company I was with, I was a bit floored. Then I felt really guilty, because I hate girls that act a certain way just to get attention from guys, and I really really don't want to become someone like that.

I also became aware of how I talk to certain guys as well, today. I know I'm a bit of a flirt, but I always figured that it was because I am a naturally talkative person, and nothing has ever resulted from my flirting, so I don't think of it as a problem. The last thing I would ever want to do is to lead someone on, and end up hurting them. But, I realized today that maybe what I say and how I say it does have an affect on some guys. Perhaps not many, but there may be one or two. I don't want to hurt anyone, or be a negative influence in anyones life, so it was a tough thing for me to learn.

So, by the end of the day, I felt like I had grown up somehow, and lost something, a naive part of me that I won't ever get again. And I'm not mad at the person who made me aware of these things, I'm just kicking myself for not realizing them sooner. And I guess I'm a bit sad about it, because now I know I will be so much more aware of what I say, and what I do around guys, and I really enjoy just being able to relax and just have a good time, and not worry about that sort of stuff. I grew up a bit today, and I feel older because of it.