FYI, RE: Comments

Hi all. Just a note. I started getting automatic advertizements as comments, and this really annoyed me, so I made comments hidden so I didn't need to actually see the fact that crazy people are commenting on my blog. I'm not sure if you are able to comment either, and considering that like 3 of you actually do, I'm not sure if that is a very big deal. In any case, I figure if you know me well enough to comment then you also know my email address and you can send comments there. I don't want to post my email here though, due to scary people on the internet who will start sending viagra commercials to my inbox. Have a great day!

Africa, Canada and Gilmore Girls

Currently Listening To: Hear Me, Kelly Clarkson. (GREAT song. My new favorite of the week).

Well, do I have some news! But first – about my day. Today I feel like I was extra productive. I went to class, and was not late, and I didn’t drink coffee AND I didn’t fall asleep in class! Then after class I went to Tim Hortons, where I did have coffee, and I had lunch and I studied, and then I went to Second Cup, and had another cup of coffee, and I studied all afternoon! Then I went to my night class and didn’t fall asleep during it either! (Most likely because I had finally caffeinated.) Also, it’s a class on the culture and people of Mesoamerica, and they practiced crazy things like human sacrifice and blood letting, and how can you fall asleep in a class like that?! It’s like reading National Geographic! (Which, as it happens, I also did today! I just got the new one. I haven’t had a chance to read all of it, but there are some great pictures of Hawaiian creatures and also the salt mines in Africa.)

Speaking of Africa, I just read a book where the main character went to Africa to work at a refugee camp. It made me think about living how I do, and question why it is I deserve to live the life I do, sitting here in front of my computer listening to Kelly Clarkson cranked on my head phones, when there are people out there literally dying. Like DYING. And I can be a good little conservative and say well, they should have just worked harder, I am blessed to live in a good country. I could have been born in some 3rd world African country wracked by drought, famine and civil war JUST AS EASILY. The thing is I’M NOT SPECIAL. It’s a fluke. If God loves everyone equally then it’s a crock to say that he’s “blessed” western nations with wealth and comfort. Western Nations like Canada may have pretended to build their country on “Godly principles” but in fact, when you look at history, we’ve turned around and given him the finger just like every other country in the world. The Bible says that lying is wrong, but even our LEADERS are rarely giving us the facts, and we don’t even expect them to! That’s the crazy thing! It’s INGRAINED in us to doubt people that WE ELECT. God invents marriage, we wreck it, half of us get divorced, the other half complain about their spouses. God invents MAN and WOMAN and we decide that man on man is ok because it TOTALLY WORKS. I mean, look at all the babies being BORN into happy same-sex parent families – oh wait. That’s PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. So, ya, I was born in a “Christian” nation. Sure.

But have I ever even given my twenty eight dollars a month to world vision? No. Because I need a new PDA and the Gilmore Girls on DVD. When I really start to think then I get scared because my good “conservative” roots start to look really selfish and questionable. Why the HELL do I deserve to live the way I do? I don’t. And people starving in Africa don’t deserve to live that way either. But never mind, I should keep my money and time because I worked for it, and giving it to people that actually need it is communist. So screw that. I’m going to go to bed and set my CD alarm clock, so that I wake up in time to drive my car to Tim’s and get a coffee before class. You know, I’ve been thinking. My bed is pretty rickety, and my mattress is hurting my back, so I should probably get a new one. Because there is definitely no better use for that money. There isn’t anyone in the world sleeping on the ground in huts.

Oh great – now I’m all frustrated.

On a lighter note, and back to the news that I have: I was watching the first season of Gilmore Girls tonight (you know, the DVD I referred to earlier) and it was Rory’s birthday. Now, her grandmother sent invitations to all the people in her class that she doesn’t like. This normally would be terrible, except that they showed an invitation on the screen, and (this is probably my favorite part of this day) her birthday is OCTOBER 8th! Now, to those of you who don’t realize the significance of this date, let me give you a hint: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY ON OCTOBER 8th!! So, starting on Sunday, my birthday week begins! (I will explain the concept of the birthday week on my next blog.)

Now that I have so much guilt I think that I will start sponsoring a child. That will appease my conscience for a few weeks. Sorry, don’t mean to be too ranty. It’s just the mix of this song and my mind over-thinking. (or am I over-thinking? hmmmmmm)

Honesty and other policies

I think I'm going to start a new section of my blog: current music selection. I listen to a lot of music, and what I'm listening to often indicates what mood I'm in, so I think I'm going to start each blog with a "music" section. So, to begin:

Listening to: Oh Holy Night. By: so far, Celine Dion, Jessica Simpson, Mariah Carey (slightly embarrassed about the last two), Kelly Clarkson... and a few others.

I have a feeling that this blog will be a little less than coherent. Not that my little rants are normally very well thought out, but this time I have a whole bunch of little things bouncing around in my mind and they need to come out somewhere, so this screen is going to be my victim.

First of all, I'd like to say that honesty, although the best policy is not the easiest one. I firmly believe that it’s always the right thing to be truthful, however sometimes it sucks. I wish that life was easy and decisions were easy and that explaining them to people was easy, but none of that is easy, and sometimes that is hard. Hurting people is hard, even though it’s sometimes necessary.

Well, the last few paragraphs were written yesterday at about 6:00 pm. Now its 3:44 September 26. I went to class today, and came home, and finished watching the pilot of the Gilmore Girls and eating some nachos and cheese for lunch, and now I should go do some reading for my classes.

There's been a lot of thinking involved in my life lately. Thinking about guys, and how complicated that can all be. I would recommend never needing to break up with someone. It just makes things hard and it hurts people. I would recommend meeting "the one" and being sure of them right away and dating for an appropriate amount of time, and getting engaged and smiling a lot and getting married and having 2.3 children and having a very happy and sterile life. It would make things so much easier if we came with little tags when we were born that said "Your name is Hannah and you will marry Bob so-and-so." Then you would google your future spouse and meet when you turned 18, so that dating could take place as necessary. I am definitely going to suggest this for the future. Finding your own person is just way too hard. I hate it.

Of course, my belief that there isn't just one person chosen for each person does sort of thwart the previous theory, but whatever. I'm allowed to have contradictory theories if I want to. I'm blonde - it comes with the territory.

I think that this little rant is going to turn into one of those "where are all the good Christian guys" things. Recently, a Christian guy told me that for the most part, Christian guys are not necessarily not interested in dating, they are just lacking in the "balls" department. (Mom is going to be upset that I used the term "balls" but to say that they are just scared doesn't really get the point across does it?) My dad wants me to write a book about Christian guys in the world today. Not that I've had a lot of experience dating these guys, however it’s more my (and other girls I know) lack of experience that is the subject of my book. The problem is that if I write it now I think that I will come across as a bitter and cynical feminist or something. I am not bitter or a feminist though, in real life, but I am a cynic and so if I could just write like a cynic then I would do alright. Another problem is that if I wait until I finally meet that guy and things are peachy then I won't want to write the book, or I'll be writing the book wearing rose-colored glasses. It will be one of those books that good little Christian girls read that basically says: I know it seems hopeless girls, but you'll meet your man someday - I did, and it’s wonderful! Then all good Christian girls run to the bathroom and throw up because they've been fed that line so often that their body is physically rejecting it.

Ha ha. I just read what I have written so far, and it makes me laugh. Oh, well. I hope some of you get a kick out of my ranting.

I’ve been missing home a lot lately. I know my mom knows this, because I’ve been calling every day and trying to think of fun stories so that I have an excuse to call. I’m sure she is slightly annoyed by me, but that’s ok. You’d think that I would be embarrassed to be 22 and excited to call my parents, but I’m not. They’re pretty fun people, and I like them! I can’t wait for Thanksgiving. My house will be decorated, and it will smell like turkey and stuffing, and my grandparents will be there, and everything will be wonderful. Plus, my birthday is the Saturday before, which means that I get presents! (Not to sound selfish or anything). In any case – I suppose that I should get some reading done. Or maybe take a nap. It’s a toss up. Maybe just a little nap. Then I’ll get up, make coffee and be good and study all evening. Yes, that is a great plan. Naps are my mom’s cure for everything. Feeling stressed? Have a power nap. Feeling sad? Power nap. Feeling apathetic? Power nap. And in case you are wondering – Feeling sleepy? Power nap. So whenever I should be studying and instead am tired and want to procrastinate, I call mom and she says “just have a quick power nap,” and then I can have a nice guilt free nap because mom said so.

So, good night to you all. I’ll be up in ½ an hour! (or maybe a couple ½ an hours.)

September 21: Christmas Music

Well, I have 11 minutes before I have to leave to go to class. I try to leave 45 minutes before my class starts, which gives me 20 or 25 minutes to get there, 10 minutes to find parking, 10 minutes to walk to class and usually about 5 minutes to spare. I hate students who consistently come in late, or even right when the prof starts talking. Like the world should stop for them.

10 minutes: I don’t know what it is about this time of year. School is back in, the leaves are turning, and us Zacharias women start listening to Christmas music. I used to tease my mom mercilessly about this little habit of hers, and now at the age of 22 (for a couple more weeks) I am doing the same thing. Today, I actually wished it would snow! What am I turning in to?! I used to think that I could move somewhere that it would never snow and I would be happy. I could just visit mom and dad in the blustery north a couple of weeks a year and that would be my snow allotment. Today I’m re-thinking that line. I was listening to The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole this morning and I realized that I love the way I grew up. I love it that my house smelled like fall in the fall, and like Christmas at Christmas (and sometimes like fall and Christmas in the spring and summer).

6 minutes: I actually have found myself wanting to decorate recently. And not “interior design” decorate, either. I want to hang fall type garlands, and wreaths, and buy candles that smell like pumpkins and other fall scents. I think I might! (I mean the candles – I’m not sure how excited my roommate would be to come home to a house overtaken by fall.) I don’t know what is happening to me. But I like it.

4 minutes: I listened to “Oh Holy Night” on 3 different cd’s this morning – Nat King Cole, Trans Siberian Orchestra, and Point of Grace. It is BY FAR my favorite Christmas song. I think that I’m going to download it by as many people as I can find, and make a whole cd with just one song, over and over. Ooooooo – now I’m excited. It will be my favorite.

2 minutes: Confession: this is not the first time in the last few weeks that I’ve listened to Christmas music. Ha ha ha.

1 minute: better post this, and go to class.

Clay Pigeons and I

Sometimes I think that God must have had a lot of fun picking personalities for all of us. We are all some strange combination of our parent’s personalities, with a bunch of life and other “nurture” stuff thrown in, and then we “are who we are.” My mom, for instance: she is the world’s greatest wife and homemaker, the best person I know at anything that is stereotypically feminine and kind. Similarly, Dad is the best guy at anything “manly,” and his personality complements his abilities.

Then there is me.

You would think that I might have gotten the best of both of them. But no. Instead I’m talkative, loud and opinionated, like my father, and slightly crazy (but fun) like my mom. Instead of getting Dad’s decisiveness and mom’s desire to work in the kitchen and provide nourishing meals for her family, I got Mom’s quirks and Dad’s voice. Lovely.

On Monday I spent the day at home. Mom and Alician were in the kitchen making applesauce out of the crab apples they had picked, and Dad and Dan were outside shooting trap. And where was I?

Shooting Trap.

Again, could I BE more feminine? Sometimes I think it’s no wonder that I don’t have a boyfriend. I have some “feminine” qualities, and some “masculine.” Is it really that much of a surprise when I am called “intimidating?” I don’t think so. Considering that I have done more “guy” stuff than many guys have, and I’m not as good at most “girl” stuff as most girls are, I’m actually not that shocked at my dating history.

Not that I plan on changing anything.

I like that I can do stuff that most girls can’t. I love it that I’ve had “guy” jobs, and that I’m not afraid of guys in general. I don’t really like it that it’s not this innate desire to be in the kitchen providing for my “future husband,” but I also think that this comes with the territory, and when I have that sort of a person in my life I will enjoy (or at least not dread) doing those things that are generally filled by the role of the wife.

My personality has helped me out in some ways though, and I’m not complaining about who I am either. I am very thankful that I’m more of a “leader” than a “follower,” and I am also very thankful that I’ve managed to make relatively good decisions throughout my life without making 20 wrong ones first.

It’s just interesting what God makes of two completely different people, and how some strange combination of DNA and environment can create a person unlike any other person in the entire world.

By the way – trap shooting is really fun, and I did manage to hit 2 out of the 12 or 13 (or maybe 14 or 15) clay pigeons. Hey, I just said it was fun, not that I was any good!