Imperfections

Hi,

Sometimes I feel like writing a letter. Like somehow, if there is a purpose to all this writing then it would be better. So, I'm going to think of someone, and I'm going to write to that person, and maybe I can get the words out.

I'm happy today. Except that Gilmore Girls was a dissappointment. I've decided that I've given it enough chances, and I will only buy the seasons now, instead of watching them week after boring week. I'm not sure if you know that I like Gilmore Girls, but it has been an on-again-off-again relationship since I moved to Edmonton and got cable.

Sometimes I think that my imperfections are funny. They're just what makes me, me. The fact that I'm addicted to chips, and therefore can not lose weight regardless of how much I work out... sometimes I feel like that is just part of me, and its ok. And some days it makes me feel really disgusted with myself. Why don't I just have the will power to say no? The same thing goes with past relationships... why is it easy to make the same mistakes?

I want to not make that mistake again. I want everything to work out, and I want to be in love, but I want to love someone who loves God more than me. I'm afraid though. Afraid that if I let myself get close then I will automatically follow in the same path as before, even though I know that this situation is actually different. I'm not in denial like the last time. The last time I knew it was the same situation, but this time it actually is different. I've been smarter so far, and the reaction was different than the others, and I think it could actually work, but its a someday thing, instead of a tomorrow thing.

I thought about making another blog, for days when I feel like using names, and days when I feel like talking in specifics, like today. But then I thought that would be too much work. I suppose that as usual, those who stumble upon this blog will have no idea who I'm talking about, and those that know me might have an idea, and I know that he doesn't know about it, so its ok to be talking like this for now. If he ever finds out about this place, though I might have to delete it.

I just read like 200 pages of the 4th sisterhood of the travelling pants. Its a gooder, and it has very effectively sucked me in to the point that I want to go put on pjs, go to bed, and finish it tonight. I might do that... just have to set up the coffee for tomorrow morning and get everything ready in case I do fall asleep while reading. I'm not one of those people whose biological clocks are effective enough to wake themselves up at the correct time. Mine goes off within a two hour time frame of when my alarm normally does. And that two hours is actually important to me. haha.

K, more book, less blog.

Despite the bit of complaining I just did, I am really happy tonight. Because regardless of what ends up happening, and the fact that right now, nothing can be done about it, somebody likes me, and thinks I have amazing eyes.