Oh, I don't know.

I’m listening to “What Sarah Said” by Death Cab for Cutie. Its one of those amazing songs that makes you happy and sad at the same time. Mellow, but beautiful. It makes you brave somehow. I don’t know how to explain it.

I feel like I’ve been floating lately. I don’t know. I’m just in one of those moods I think. Where you don’t know what you really feel. Numb. So much to do, time crunch, as usual, and a complete lack of motivation. Just postponing the inevitable.

Relationships are tricky things. They start of like a dance. You sort of toy with each other, neither one of you wanting to admit to the other that you like the other, because there is a threat that the other does not feel the same way about you that you do about them. So, you make careful steps until one of a few things happens. You end up permanently platonic, one person finally breaks and admits what they want, and then either the other feels the same way, doesn’t know what the heck they think, or does not feel the same way at all. I’m tired of having crushes on people. I’m tired of waiting around. I’m tired of the dance. Its like a competition between insecurities, with the person who is the least insecure finally breaking down and stepping out on a limb. Ideally for me, this would be the guy, considering that my insecurities sometimes seem impossible to overcome. ha ha

I’ve realized something about my parents lately. I’m my mothers daughter. I’ve always thought that I was just like my dad, and I’ve always been a daddy’s girl, and I always will be. But recently I’ve realized how hilarious my mom is. She’s totally insane (in a good way) and any insanity and crazy-funn-ness in me is from her. Not that Dad is boring by any means. This is hard to explain. You’d need to know my mom to know what I mean. I’m still opinionated and hard-headed, like dad, but there is so much in me from my mom.

I used to think that I couldn’t be more different from mom. She was the perfect Suzy-housewife, and I’d be lucky to ever get married with my cooking skills. (FYI, I’m actually not bad at cooking, and I know how to clean and do laundry, so I’m not that bad of a catch! ha ha). Mom was always busy being an amazing mom, and I was studying and being a stubborn semi-feminist. Anyways, I always thought that my sister-in-law was much more like my mom than I was, and this bugged me. She, too, is an amazing wife, mother, and homemaker, and it is really intimidating. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately though, for some reason, and this is my conclusion: My mom is a perfect “housewife” but she’s so much more. She’s so … dynamic and amazing. If I’m half the woman my mom is someday… wow.

I’ll always be daddy’s girl, but I’m my mother’s daughter too. It’s a fun thing to realize.