Tomorrow...

Tomorrow is Valentines Day.

I had a date (ok, a blind date) on Valentines Day once. I was 18 or 19, and he was a couple years older and a fireman. He showed up at the restaurant with a flower, and then we saw Collateral Damage (Arnold Schwarzenegger). It wasn’t the worst date I’ve ever been on, but nothing ever came of it. I think he moved to Vancouver a couple of weeks later. (Not because of me I hope.) That date was the only semi-romantic thing I’ve ever done on Valentines day.

You know something? I didn’t even hope that I would have someone to spend Valentines with this year. I’ve been busy with school and stuff, and it sort of crept up on me. It’s the first year that I actually didn’t think about it. (until now, that is) That sort of makes me sad. Because if I hope, then I at least have enough faith that something good like that might happen for me. I just realized, though, that I didn’t even hope for that. Have I completely given up on myself? Have I actually reached the point where I am so hopeless that I didn’t even think about a date until the day before?

I suppose now is the time where I slip into self-pity and start whining. So, here it goes… What IS wrong with me? I just don’t really get it.

Ok, that’s all I can come up with. I’m sad again.

I just talked to mom. She said that I shouldn’t be sad, and that I had a good life, and that I was focusing on my career. I don’t want to be a “career woman” on Valentines Day. I at least deserve a “fall back” don’t I? Like a really good guy friend (see previous post for my beliefs on platonic relationships… possible or not?) who will take me out for a movie or something. I want a day when I don’t have to use the “busy-with-school” excuse.

I want to be important to someone. (and sorry, Rosie, you don’t qualify. This time it needs to be someone of the opposite sex…)