Comments again

So, I've decided to re-enable comments. They have a word verification thing now, and hopefully it will stop the spam that loves to attach itself to my blog.

Have a good day all!

Go Party Girl

So, I was at a real live party tonight. I do a lot of low-key "hanging with the girls" partying, but this one was a real live dance-till-1:30 to a stereo that is way to loud type of party. And it was really fun. I haven't partied where there was no movies or television watching occuring in a very long time, and this semester I REALLY haven't, so I was naturally a bit skeptical. Would I have fun? I literally knew NO ONE except Rosie, and I went purely for her benefit, because she knew only one person too. So, for the first while it was a bit quiet, people talking, but not to us, or if it was to us then it was pretty sporadic. Then we started dancing a bit, and then we found a super-fun song, which will remain anonymous, and then everyone was dancing, and then who cares who you know? FUN TIMES. In any case, I was going to stay home and study tonight, but I'm glad I did this instead. It's not everyday that you get to go to a strangers birthday. Happy Birthday Tim!

Now tomorrow I can really buckle down and study hard. I'm looking forward to it in an end-of-the-year-is-finally-near sort of way. 14 days from now I will be sleeping in my bed at my parents, and it will be Christmas break. Dad will wake me up on December 17th with a coffee, and I will go upstairs, and sit and eat breakfast and chat with mom and dad, and I will be so happy. Tomorrow will be my first day studying for a final exam, and so its like the beginning of the end. When I come back to school on the 9th, it will be the beginning of my LAST semester. After 6 years, its going to feel GREAT. Beyond belief. Its sort of a surreal thought. When I graduate, I will have been a student for 19 years, and Lord willing I'll go back to school a teacher in the fall.

Its 2:00 a.m. I feel like such a teenager! I stay up late so rarely that it seems strange. My roommates are asleep, but I'm not even that tired. Maybe I'll go see whats on tv... one thing thats great about dancing is its really good exercize. I weighed myself when I got home, and I weighed like 5 pounds LESS than this morning. Its supposed to be the opposite. I'm also parched, so my genius scientific mind is telling me that any weight I lost was not fat, but actually water. I'm so smart. SMRT.

I'm going to go fill up my glass of water and go to bed I think. My theory is that I'm actually a lot more tired than I currently feel, and that it won't take me long to fall asleep in reality.

Good night all!

-Party Girl...

Oh, what news...

The last week of my life in a nutshell:

Monday: Midterm in Political Science
Tuesday: Fire in apartment building
Wednesday: Back to school, get extention on Anthro paper that was due today
Thursday: Help Denise go through her apartment, what a mess
Friday: Get midterm back: A-, Go Hannah
Saturday: Decorate apartment for Christmas, go Erica and Hannah, finish paper due last Wednesday
Sunday: Work on Religion Paper due Tuesday
Monday: Finish Religion Paper, get History paper back, B+, not so bad!
Tuesday: Hand in Religion Paper, see Walk the Line. Good movie. Snowy outside.
Wednesday: Hand in Anthro Paper: Hallelujah! Last paper of the semester.

Oh, did I mention that my apartment building was on fire? Check out the results:
Notice the lack of roof? Imagine what the top floors looked like...
But life goes on, I have another roommate now, yay for Denise! Erica and I had fun decorating...

So, life keeps changing, you meet new people, sometimes randomly and sometimes via your mother, and fall out of touch with others. Sometimes I get that feeling that I'm so completely out of the loop that I might never get back in it. Or maybe I was never in it in the first place. The thing is, this should bug me. It really bugs be when my friends are hurt from finding out secrets that they maybe deserved to know, or maybe just should have known because everyone else already did. I guess someones got to be the last to know, but why is it always us?

In my case, I should probably care more than I do. I guess I blame myself. This semester has been a gong show, and I haven't exactly made a huge effort to keep in touch with people. As far as the rest of my little posse goes, they're more important to me than knowing everything about everyone, or even somethings about some people. Friends are important, and I think because I've been such a hermit this semester, I've found out just how much better a few close friends are than a hundred acquaintences.

We have another Federal Election coming up in January. As much as I hope otherwise, I'm predicting another Liberal Minority. The ND's might gain a few seats, but the east is afraid to vote to the right, so the Conservatives will probably remain pretty much where they are. On that note, why are the Bloq even a party? I think that one requirement to have federal party status is that the party should at least claim to have the good of all Canadians in mind. The bloq are unabashedly a provincial party, and will remain so. Even the green party has small amounts of support across the whole of Canada. Maybe I won't vote. Who would I vote for? What a gong show.

A month and a half.

It's strange to be writing this little monologue, isn't it? I mean, I don't technically know everyone that might read it, and I guess some pretty personal stuff does come up on occasion. But what is personal anyways? Some people do things, say things, think things that they don't want other people to know. They want to keep them in their person, instead of making them public to the world. Hence the word personal. I'm not a good "personal" person. I like talking about what is happening to me with other people. I don't tell people some stuff, like my weight for instance, or some dumb things that I've done that are just embarrasing, but most important things in life end up going in someone elses ear, so I guess maybe thats why I'm not so worried about who reads this. I'm actually surprised anyone does, because contrary to popular belief (ok, not even that - maybe more contrary to what I wish I was) I'm not that much of an interesting person. But everyone needs an outlet, and although I'm not really a writer, I'm not really a poet either, or a songwriter, so I figure writing is the least embarrasing way to vent. Venting in a song could end up sounding angry or worse, whiney, and poetry? Well aside from Haiku and iambic pentameter (thanks to my english teachers in high school) I'm pretty much lost. So writing it is.

I'm pretty mellow tonight. I'm listening to some Ben Harper song that a friend sent me over msn, and the way it sounds is exactly how I feel. The last month and a half (Since the last time I posted anything here) have been good I guess. Some fun-ness, some not so much, but basically just life keeps going, and I try to keep up. I've been getting a lot more headaches lately. This is the whiney part. I went to the doctor again today, and got different medication, and I really want to take one, but I can't until I'm ready to sleep, and I'm just not quite lame enough yet to go to bed at 8:30 on Friday night. You know, in high school and my first few years of college I always thought I was SO lame if I was at home alone on a Friday evening. I thought I should be doing something... everyone does something on Friday. Now, though, I am just fine being quiet and alone. Its nice actually. Life is so busy for everyone. Every single minute is taken up with something. If you aren't AT something, then you're on your way there. I can't wait for Christmas. I get three weeks off of School, and I don't want to HAVE to do anything. I just want to relax, drink hot chocolate, bake with mom, sleep in, and just sit. Just sit quietly with a fire in the fireplace, and a tree in the livingroom, and be content. Until the end of this semester there isn't really any down time. In fact, I have a midterm on Monday that I should be studying for right now. I'll get to it once I'm done with this little update.

Its going to be weird from about December 10th on here. My roommate and 2 of my other closest friends are going to California for the week. I'm so happy for them, and I would have definitely taken the opportunity to go if I were them. But that week will be so silent around here. I wonder if I'll like it or not. I've never really lived alone before. Next year I will, because I'm finally going to be done school and I'm going to find a job, and a place of my own. Mostly (like 98%) of me, is super excited to live alone to see what its like. But there is part of me that kind of feels afraid. Like pre-lonely loneliness. What if I hate it, what if bad stuff happens to me? Maybe in reality I want someone to live with me to make sure that I don't get hurt or something. I'm a pretty strong person, but I like being taken care of.

Maybe thats the worst thing about not having a boyfriend. I like the companionship. I miss having that person that you know is just going to do nothing with you on a Friday night, but its ok. Having someone thats just there. I miss that. Something feels wrong about moving out to be all by myself. I feel like I SHOULD have someone with me. But maybe this is just Friday night alone talking. (and a little Ben Harper and having a bit of a headache, and having a month left of school this semester, with graduation in April and real life looming ahead.) Ok, I need to quit thinking about all of this, and just think about today. And what I need to do right now. Which is study for my test on Monday.

Birthday count down

Ah, just one more.

FYI: My birthday week has officially begun! Its now technically Sunday of the week in which my birthday occurs. That means that it is the week of my birthday: ie my birthday week.

Yay!

Funny me

Again, two at once. But I didn't want to mix topics. This one will be short, I promise.

Now, I don't think that I am the most normal person ever, nor is my sense of humor. However, I didn't think that it was overly complex or too quirky to understand, either. But, I realized something interesting lately. There are some people who just don't get me. Now, some of these people are wonderful people, who I get along with just fine, and who I would even consider friends. Its just interesting that occationally I find myself having to explain my own jokes. It kind of kills the punchline. Its funny to think about though. I'm glad I don't have to explain myself to everyone, and I think generally people understand me, but sometimes I get this blank stare. Like the little msn emoticon with the straight mouth and round eyes. I love that one. It isn't every day that someone looks at you that way.

Makes me laugh. :

Decisions

Today I was filling out a form for school. It was the kind of form that you start filling out very innocently. I like forms; I get to fill in my name, address, phone number. Then it gets to the part where I pick a local or regional placement (I’m in education – this would be practicum next spring), and reality sort of bowls me over. Oh my goodness. Local or Regional? Easy enough question, you would think. But sometimes questions have further reaching implications than you would think. I mean its not a “will you marry me?” type question, but I would have to say its higher on the importance scale than say “will you go out with me?”

You see, my placement comes at the end of my school year. Not only that, but it’s the end of my degree. And on top of that, it’s the end of me going to school as a student…. Ever. So, it’s a bit weighted you see. If I choose a local placement then it means that I stay here, in Sherwood Forest, for the last 2 months of school, then I maybe find a job for the summer and apply around here for work in the fall and try to find a new (read: larger, less intrusive on my roommate, who I love) place to live. However, if I choose regional? I move back to mom and dad’s, finish my last 2 months of school, and then apply for a job in the fall. It does leave the summer more open to less work, as I will have less expenses. Also, mom will cook for me during practicum, which is a huge help, as anyone who knows me understands.

Moving home means that there is a good chance that I won’t ever come back. It’s the end of this chapter, the end of an “era” really. I’ve lived in the Edmonton area for 4 years, and have been going to school for 6. At 22 that means that more than a quarter of my life has been spent going to post secondary school. And for those of you keeping count, I have spent 19 years as a student. 19 out of 22 is a lot of years. Now I realized that I’m going to get a trillion (or at least 1) email saying that “you’re never actually leaving school, because you’re a teacher, ha ha ha!” And as clearly as I understand that, there is a distinct difference between going to school on your first day as a student, and going to school on your first day as a teacher. Teaching is a job. I will get paid, I will have responsibility over young people, I will be an example (and hopefully a good one.)

But leaving here now means that I am leaving a lot of friends, a great church and a whole life really. Not that all of my friends will disappear into the part of my life I call my “past” or that my life at home has ever really ended. In reality, Grande Prairie is my home, and despite the sarcasm most people heap on it, I happen to love it. However, as much as I’m leaving here, what am I going to there? My closest family all lives in GP, and I have some very good friends there too. But not as many, and they all have lives currently that do not include me as an important part of their daily, or weekly, or even monthly, lives. So, going home, as wonderful as it is, does leave something to be desired, when it comes right down to it. Still, there is something in me that makes me want to end this part of my life with finality. To leave it behind (not the people or the memories, just the whole stage), and run. The thing is, I guess as I think about this all, there really isn’t any actual finality to any stage of life. Getting over/rid of the past isn’t ever truly possible. It is always there with you. I don’t think this time period is something I need to rid myself of either (as much as I hate exams), it just seems like it wouldn’t be the worst thing to shut the door (lightly, and without locking it) and go home to marmie and daddy and dinner on the table.

Something to pray about anyways.