Decisions

Today I was filling out a form for school. It was the kind of form that you start filling out very innocently. I like forms; I get to fill in my name, address, phone number. Then it gets to the part where I pick a local or regional placement (I’m in education – this would be practicum next spring), and reality sort of bowls me over. Oh my goodness. Local or Regional? Easy enough question, you would think. But sometimes questions have further reaching implications than you would think. I mean its not a “will you marry me?” type question, but I would have to say its higher on the importance scale than say “will you go out with me?”

You see, my placement comes at the end of my school year. Not only that, but it’s the end of my degree. And on top of that, it’s the end of me going to school as a student…. Ever. So, it’s a bit weighted you see. If I choose a local placement then it means that I stay here, in Sherwood Forest, for the last 2 months of school, then I maybe find a job for the summer and apply around here for work in the fall and try to find a new (read: larger, less intrusive on my roommate, who I love) place to live. However, if I choose regional? I move back to mom and dad’s, finish my last 2 months of school, and then apply for a job in the fall. It does leave the summer more open to less work, as I will have less expenses. Also, mom will cook for me during practicum, which is a huge help, as anyone who knows me understands.

Moving home means that there is a good chance that I won’t ever come back. It’s the end of this chapter, the end of an “era” really. I’ve lived in the Edmonton area for 4 years, and have been going to school for 6. At 22 that means that more than a quarter of my life has been spent going to post secondary school. And for those of you keeping count, I have spent 19 years as a student. 19 out of 22 is a lot of years. Now I realized that I’m going to get a trillion (or at least 1) email saying that “you’re never actually leaving school, because you’re a teacher, ha ha ha!” And as clearly as I understand that, there is a distinct difference between going to school on your first day as a student, and going to school on your first day as a teacher. Teaching is a job. I will get paid, I will have responsibility over young people, I will be an example (and hopefully a good one.)

But leaving here now means that I am leaving a lot of friends, a great church and a whole life really. Not that all of my friends will disappear into the part of my life I call my “past” or that my life at home has ever really ended. In reality, Grande Prairie is my home, and despite the sarcasm most people heap on it, I happen to love it. However, as much as I’m leaving here, what am I going to there? My closest family all lives in GP, and I have some very good friends there too. But not as many, and they all have lives currently that do not include me as an important part of their daily, or weekly, or even monthly, lives. So, going home, as wonderful as it is, does leave something to be desired, when it comes right down to it. Still, there is something in me that makes me want to end this part of my life with finality. To leave it behind (not the people or the memories, just the whole stage), and run. The thing is, I guess as I think about this all, there really isn’t any actual finality to any stage of life. Getting over/rid of the past isn’t ever truly possible. It is always there with you. I don’t think this time period is something I need to rid myself of either (as much as I hate exams), it just seems like it wouldn’t be the worst thing to shut the door (lightly, and without locking it) and go home to marmie and daddy and dinner on the table.

Something to pray about anyways.