Theories etc.

So, now that I have a new desk chair that looks a bit like (but isn't) black leather, I'm feeling a bit more official and possibly a tad smarter. In reality I'm just more comfortable than I was before. So, time for another abstract essay about the opposite sex.

I've come up with a theory about single Christian girls. I still agree with it a few weeks later, so I guess this is it. If you meet a single Christian girl, she's single for one of three reasons:

1. There is something really physically/emotionally/etc. wrong with her.
2. She honestly doesn’t want to be seeing someone.
3. She is one of many who does want to date but for some reason unbeknownst to her or anyone else barring God, she hasn’t discovered her soul-mate yet.

Now I would like to believe that number 1 doesn't apply to me most of the time, and as much as I would like to be a rock and be perfectly happy as a single girl, I know that that isn't true, so I'm basically a number 3, along with probably 97% of the other single Christian girls I know.

I was just talking to a friend of mine, and we were talking about the strange desire that many girls have just to be wanted by someone of the opposite sex, even if we aren't actually interested in them in return. Often, especially before you have ever been in a relationship, there is a desire just to be able to say "no, thankyou" because you just want to feel like someone thought you were worth persuing. You just want someone to think that you are good enough to be asked for your number. Its not some sadistic desire to have control or power to hold over guys, just the innate desire to be desired. (As a side note, it doesn't feel good to say no to someone, but the basic ability to be ABLE to say no far outweighs this issue in most cases).

This friend of mine also came up with the concept of the "that girl," and I'm going to steal this concept just for this blog. If I ever write a book, I'll credit her for sure with the idea. Every "girl group" has a "that girl." That girl is the girl that will get 85% of the attention if the girl group is faced with interacting with a boy group. She is the one that has experience saying "no" to guys, and she's the one that every guy her age and younger (and sometimes older) wants to take on a date. I had a friend like this in my high school youth group. She finally agreed to go to the movies with my little brother and the guys in the youth group idolized him for a while. Nothing came of it, but that is completely beside the point. The point is that she was the "that girl" of the youth group. Guys want to date her, girls want to be her, and no one, but her, knows what its really like to have her life. I was never a "that girl."

I was also talking to another friend, this time a guy, about the trouble with dating in church. There is a definite stigma surrounding the "in church relationship." In his words, "I think in the alliance (the denomination he currently attends, but basically, fill in any that you might attend) if you walk into the service together, then it must be pretty serious, and if you actually put your arm around someone, you may as well be engaged already. It might be a weak excuse for all the church-going fellas out there, but who can blame them for not being ready for that kind of commitment, in front of hundreds of judgemental people...?"

Now I see this guys point, and have yet to respond to his email, and I was talking to my roommate about it, and we think he might be on to something. When we hear about a new couple that is dating in the church, there is an immediate conclusion reached that they will probably get married, and they must be very serious already. If they are willing to hold hands in front of 200+ sets of eyes that will discuss them over Sunday lunch, then they have courage beyond most. The thing that I like about this whole situation is that it relied on the guy taking the first step. Most guys would say that they don't mind girls doing the persuing, but the problem with that is if the girl is the persuer then she lives with the lifelong question: "did I somehow manipulate this guy into liking me?" Even though he might claim complete and utter devotion to her, there is still an inkling of suspicion that if she hadn't acted, then he would have NEVER acted. That is not something that I want to live with. I don't think that girls are built for that, and I don't think guys should have to be persued. It might be too much to ask for some guy to actually step out on a limb on the chance that it might break off if he takes one more step, but I'm ok with that. I guess thats maybe one of the reasons that I'm still single. I'm not desperate enought to do the work. I want to feel valuable enough for someone to take a chance.

To all single Christian girls: I'm proud of you. Wait. I hate it, and it sucks, but if you want someone who wants you, no holds bar, and you don't want to worry about the "what if's" then keep it up. Waiting sucks, but the alternative is lifelong wonder, so in my mind waiting is worth it.

Now the disclaimer: don't sit at home waiting in a dark corner. If you are non-existant then there is nothing to be persued in the first place. Unless you are actually available then you can't blame guys for not having any guts.

Ok, thats enough for today. I have to go get a massage now.