What is there to say?

I'm a bit afraid. Can life just continue to get better, or is something going to go terribly wrong soon? I hope not.

We were planning on waiting till the end of the summer to officially date. That didn't work out so well. So, now I have a boyfriend. Interesting, and so much fun!

There's not much to add. I'm actually looking forward to the fall, because this summer is so busy. By September 10th, I'll have gone to 5 weddings and will have been away for at least 7 or 8 weekends. My life is crazy, and I feel like I pass up a lot of parties just to hang out at home! Ha ha.

With the fall though, things will slow down a bit, I hope. I will still have busy days, but i should have some time to relax. Maybe... hopefully...

Hopeful

Well, life is pretty stellar right now. I’m so content, and so happy, and I find myself just grinning to myself randomly. I feel a bit like a geek when that happens, but not too bad. I think I can deal with the perma-smile, though, as long as stuff in my life keeps going in the same direction as it is now.

I’m going home in a week or so for the long weekend to see my family. I haven’t been home since June, so I’m pretty excited. My little nephew will be another month and a half older, my grandparents are up from the States, and I get to spend Saturday on the farm relaxing. I can’t wait for the down-time.

I love not having anything to complain about. I don’t think that I’m giddy, but I’m just full of happiness. Even stuff in my life that does sort of suck, like debt, and going back to school in a month or so just doesn’t seem all that bad.

This is sort of a boring entry today. It’s a “yay for me, my life is fun” one, which really doesn’t explain why life is so great. I’m just so excited about where my life is heading, and to see what happens in the next year or two.

I’m meeting some friends of a good friend in a few weeks. This good friend is becoming very important to me, and I think that me meeting his friends is important to him, and I don’t want them to think I’m completely ditzy or a "bad match" for this friend of mine. So, I’m a bit nervous. What my friends think of this friend is important to me, so it’s understandable that what his friends think of me would be important to him. What if they hate me!?!?! That scares me.

I don’t think they will, but I haven’t met his family yet either. What if his friends don’t like me? It’s not exactly a good omen for meeting his family! All of this stuff is so new to me. It’s strange being nervous to meet people, because I’m never nervous. I’m relatively outgoing, and usually get along with people. I just don’t want to feel like I have to prove something.

But that’s the worst worry in my life right now. I don’t exactly have a lot to be upset about. And that’s the way I like it.

Baby Cool Your Jets

Today was good. It was great actually. One of the interesting things about having an excessive personality is that you hit extremes sometimes. When I woke up this morning I never would have guessed how it would end. But it ended so much better than I figured it would when it began.

I realized some stuff about a relationship, thanks to a good friend and my big mouth and my blog. Then I freaked out (thats the excessiveness in me) about the speed of things, and didn't know what to do. Then I spilled my guts to the guy I freaked out about, and felt a bit better, and then I talked and talked and talked.

In any case, it was all very necessary, and calming. Sometimes I wonder why people are friends with me. I can be so far up and then so far down, and then I hit this calm where things are a bit more clear, and I'm sure all of this changing makes people confused...

Things in my life needed to slow down, and they will. There's still hope for the future, but the future isn't tomorrow, or even next month. I have time now and I was able to be honest and just talk, and somehow what I said made some sense to who it needed to make sense to.

I just want to press pause sometimes and slow down. My life seems like a freight train this summer, and I need to hit the brakes before I jump the track I think. Tonight that started to happen, and after tomorrow this whole pulling back thing is going to spread to other parts of my life. It has to, or I'm going to go even more crazy than I already am.

To all who are friends with me: thanks for putting up with me. I'm all over the board, and I feel like I just need someone to stop me. So thanks. I know I'm a bit much to deal with sometimes.

(And to Rosie: you are exactly what I needed today. You rock, and I hope you know how special you are.)

Possibilities ....

It’s been a while since I added anything of any significance to this little online “Hannah tell-all” and some people (Hi Rosie) have been bugging me to update it. The thing is, I need 2 things to be able to update this blog. The first is time, and the second is a subject. Since today work is really slow, and I’m here all alone, I finally have time, and because of some strange turns of events and realizations that have happened in the last week or two, I think I have a subject. Its probably going to be one of those cryptic, few people will get it types, I think, but if you really want to know what its all about then you probably know me enough to know my phone number and you can just call. Its not that I’m very secretive, it just seems weird to publish names and stuff when they aren’t my own, and maybe it makes stuff easier to talk about when it’s not so blatant?

So, things in life a good. Pretty great in fact. I’ve done A LOT of thinking over the last month or so, and dealt with fun subjects such as “what does God want for me?” and “what do I really want in a guy?” and things like that. Of course, I seem to pray a lot more when things are more intense in life, but I’m very at peace about where all my thinking and praying got me. I can look forward to the future a bit more now. I have hopes that might actually come true someday.

For the first time, there is someone in my life who I can see a future with, who might actually see the same thing in me. This thought completely freaks me out, because I don’t really know where things are going with him, or when, and I’ve never actually had a long term relationship. At the same time I’m completely excited about finding out what’s going to happen with this, and where it might end up!

There is always more to relationships than “he likes me and I like him.” There are things I’m still unsure about, and I’m sure there are things about me that he is unsure about, but at least I can talk to him. I’m not jumping into anything with him or moving too fast by any stretch of the imagination, nor am I idealistic that the way will be paved. I’m just happy with how things are now, and interested to see what will happen.

Who knows?

Update

Update: The consequenses for that last little endeavor were minimal, thank goodness. I was worried for little or no reason. I will probably never know what people thought, but I do know that most people don't verbalize their every thought, like I seem to do accidentaly.

The Fallout

I'm a bit of an impulsive person. Not with major expensive decisions, but with small, spur of the moment types. This sometimes gets me in trouble, because I don't always think before I make these wonderful decisions. Thankfully I haven't made any life changing non-thinking decisions yet, in fact, its been a while since I made any that had any consequences whatsoever. That is until last night. I made a quick stupid decision and 10 minutes later, after I thought it through, I completely regretted it. This decision probably won't alter the course of history, or even REALLY the course of my life. It might affect me today though, and possibly one other person's day, who it also sort of involved. I don't mean to be so secretive, but I'm pretty embarrassed that I did what I did. It wasn't something terrible, or a sin or anything, it was just a stupid thing to do at the time. In any case, I have to go to work, cross my fingers and dread the fallout.

The Phantom of the Opera

So, I ended up with a person anyways. I met my friend at walmart and then we went to Safeway and then Blockbuster to try and rent Hitch. As you may have guessed by the title, we didn't actually end up seeing Hitch, because there were none there, but joy of joys, it was a guarenteed rental, so I get to rent it free at some point in the near future.

We actually watched The Phantom of the Opera, which both she and I have seen several times, and we also both have the soundtrack. I love the music. Its so romantic and intense. I want to be so in love with someone someday that we just randomly break out into song. (Or at least the thought crosses our minds - I'm not sure I should just break out into song without warning people).

I actually find the Phantom more desirable than Raul in the movie. They chose a very manly Phantom, and left Raul more soft and feminine. I have long accepted the fact that I love "man's man" types of guys, and the Phantom is one of these, even with severe facial issues. I think I could get over those issues, if need be. Unfortunately he has some pretty deep seated emotional baggage that may require counselling at some point in his life. That could put a kink in our new found relationship.

Ah well. It is time to sleep yet again. I have to teach Sunday school in the morning, and that requires me to be at church at 8:45. Not exactly rising with the sun, but for a weekend it is relatively early. Good night!