New thoughts

I learned some things about me today, and about guys, and about me and guys. It was a bit of an eye opener for me I guess. I don't really know how to react to new realizations, especially when they are about me.

I generally don't think of myself as someone who affects guys. I'm not one of those girls who walks down the street and knows when guys are looking at her, or who walks into a room and makes heads turn. So when I got a warning from a friend today about something I was doing, and how it might not be completely appropriate around the company I was with, I was a bit floored. Then I felt really guilty, because I hate girls that act a certain way just to get attention from guys, and I really really don't want to become someone like that.

I also became aware of how I talk to certain guys as well, today. I know I'm a bit of a flirt, but I always figured that it was because I am a naturally talkative person, and nothing has ever resulted from my flirting, so I don't think of it as a problem. The last thing I would ever want to do is to lead someone on, and end up hurting them. But, I realized today that maybe what I say and how I say it does have an affect on some guys. Perhaps not many, but there may be one or two. I don't want to hurt anyone, or be a negative influence in anyones life, so it was a tough thing for me to learn.

So, by the end of the day, I felt like I had grown up somehow, and lost something, a naive part of me that I won't ever get again. And I'm not mad at the person who made me aware of these things, I'm just kicking myself for not realizing them sooner. And I guess I'm a bit sad about it, because now I know I will be so much more aware of what I say, and what I do around guys, and I really enjoy just being able to relax and just have a good time, and not worry about that sort of stuff. I grew up a bit today, and I feel older because of it.