Split Personalities and other Disorders

Writing in these things is a bit strange. Almost selfish. I have decided to devote a whole space of information on the internet to me. Just me. What I do, what I think, what I feel. I guess that there is a choice people can make: to read or not to read, but regardless of their choice, this very space is still me.

I just finished reading a book. Well, a whole series actually. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, by Ann Brashares. I know, there is a movie coming out soon, so it it very cliche for me to be reading them right at this very moment. Oh, well. There really isn't a lot I can do about that. The fact is that I have read them (there are 3 books), and I loved them, and I sort of miss them now that I am done. Books to me are the great escape. They are a way to forget my flaws, my issues, my insecurities, and become someone different.

I normally find myself identifying with some character in the book. In these I really really wanted to identify with Bridget, and in some ways I suppose I did. She is outgoing, blonde, tall and talkative. However, she is also extremely athletic and completely fearless, of which I am neither. Who I am like at a deeper level is Carmen. She has a quick mouth that gets her in trouble, she feels things very deeply, maybe more deeply than most people know. Carmen will fight for what she wants and knows is right. She has a tendancy to be selfish though, and has two alter-ego's "Good-Carmen" and "Bad-Carmen." I have the same two personalities.

I can be good Hannah (which is the Hannah that most people know, and that many people think defines me). Good Hannah is perky, smiles, laughes, dances and flys. Good Hannah is Loud and Fun. Good Hannah is who I am in public most of the time, and at home some of the time. Good Hannah is who most people would write about if they were asked to write a paragraph on who I was.

The other part of me isn't Bad Hannah, as much as it is just Plain Hannah. Plain Hannah isn't fun and crazy and bouncing off the walls, she is the one that writes and thinks and walks. Plain Hannah sees creation and is amazed, but is quiet. Plain Hannah is the one that can sit in the car in silence, listening to road sounds and be settled. Most people don't know Plain Hannah, but I like her best. She is the one that my husband will fall in love with and who he will write about.

(There is also Bad Hannah - but she hides most of the time, and I am hoping that she goes away sometime). Ha ha.